My first blog post was two years ago today. On the occasion of my two year anniversary, I give you numbers, words, and the self-centered rambling you’ve come to expect.

Numbers:

191,193 words written (approximately)
10,000 tweets Twittered (almost!)
400 posts published
205 posts unpublished (ideas, drafts, & abandoned)
21 posts picked up by Fleshbot
18 posts submitted to e[lust]
9 months since J discovered my ‘secret’ blog
6 posts submitted to e[lust] that made it to the ‘top 3‘
5 pairs of shoes I’ve broken since I started the blog
3 reader/commenter/Twitter crushes I’ve developed over the past two years

Word Frequency Cloud (top 100):

Fucknalysis:

I’ve written ‘fuck,’ or some variation on ‘fuck,’ 605 times. Those variations include ‘fucks’ and ‘fucking,’ of course, but also ‘fuckingawesomeorgasm,’ ‘fuckable,’ ‘fuckoff,’ and ‘fuckmenistan.’ FYI, I’ve used the word ‘sex’ 74 times, ‘screw’ six times, and ‘hump’ five times.

Ramblings:

I renewed my domain name two weeks ago, so I’ll have this space for at least another year. :)

But I’m still not sure I’ll have J for another year — his career is currently up in the air. As the days pass, it looks more and more like he’ll be sticking around for a while, but there’s little peace in that. Besides the fact that he could up and leave at any time, when things look good for me (I’ll probably have him a while longer), it means things look worse for him (here isn’t where he wants to be for his career).

Besides all of that, just like last year, I’m still not entirely sure what I’m doing here.

I started writing here to help me ‘figure things out,’ but there’s not been a lot of that happening lately. In part, that’s due to my slowly (but steadily) increasing facility and confidence in navigating this relationship. In part, that’s due to J’s having found out about the blog.

For the past couple of months, I think this space has been less about about me figuring things out and more about me making a written record of our relationship. I’ve come to embrace the idea of chronicling J and I. We won’t last forever, and it’s important to me to record some memory of us before we disappear (it could be weeks or years, we’ll never know). As I’ve suggested before, I don’t think I’ll continue writing here after our relationship is over. Perhaps I’ll write something else (somewhere else), but not here. This space is about who I am now, and after J leaves, I won’t be that person anymore.

Besides all of that, I’m ready to admit I’m an attention whore. (I’ve said it before, but now I really believe it). I fucking LOVE positive feedback. And, if it’s not already completely obvious, I think I’m in love with my own voice. I’m perpetually surprised that I’m not ‘discovered,’ picked up by some online women’s magazine, or included somewhere on a list of ‘best bloggers.’ I’m motivated to write, both by an enormous ego and by low self-esteem. Yes, those two things coexist and conflict, heartily and often. It’s the way I operate.

Meh…?

Will you raise a glass with me in celebration of two years worth of ramblings, relationship issues, embarrassing moments, and hot sex?

Cheers. :)